sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
