well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
