my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
