9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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