gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
