VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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