I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
