FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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