My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
