I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
