What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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