Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
