some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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