Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
