is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
