It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
