happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
