IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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