Porn is love you can see.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
