I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
