i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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