maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
