i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
