Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
