i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
