At least make sure they are 18
Why
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
