Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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