So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Farmville is her only friend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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