I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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