Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
