She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
