After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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