I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize