just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
