Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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