She said her name was "party"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
