You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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