I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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