Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
