Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
