i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
