i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
