I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
