I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
