Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
