i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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