He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
