We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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