Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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