i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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