I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
