never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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