A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
