I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize