I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
