I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I faked an abortion last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
