you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
