My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
