i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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