my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
