Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
cat food counts as protein by the way
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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