Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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