Betty ford says i'm here all night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
