Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
