im holly from the hills drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ate ashes out of my bong
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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