Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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