On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
