im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
